Another new song

Love’s Vigilante

 

Walking down the street she feels so lonely

She’s trying to stand tall but she feels so empty

This streets been walked a million times before

She doesn’t know what’s in store

All she wants is someone to show her

More

 

She’s standing by that old familiar tree

Praying to her God to help her see

To find that one she’s dreaming of

Like a gift sent from above

She’s waiting for loves vigilante

 

She wipes the tears now from her eyes

She’s on what feels like one hundred million tries

She tries to tell herself it’s ok

That she’ll find the one she wants some day

But somedays not what she’s waiting for

She just can’t shake the feeling of wanting more

 

She’s standing by that broken streetlight

Praying to her God to help her so that she just might

Find that one she’s dreaming of

Like a gift sent from above

She’s waiting for loves vigilante

 

There she sits on that cold old curb

She can’t hold back the tears and everything’s blurred

She sees a figure coming closer but she can’t make it out

As it gets closer she wonders what this could bring about

She wipes her tears away and looks up at his face

He smiles and says looks like you need a change of pace

He reaches out and she takes hold of his hand

She asks herself could this really be the man

The one she was praying for

Was this her something more

 

She’s running now dancing down the street

Hand and hand with the man she never thought she’d meet

That one she kept dreaming of

Like a gift sent from above

She’s found her vigilante

Two years later she was back at that tree

With him carving their names knowing it was meant to be

Then they walked passed that broken streetlight

And she told him she’d never seen it shine so bright

Then on that curb that’s when he got on his knee

Love’s vigilante

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Godzilla shows how little progress we’ve made in the last 60 years

Today April 27 2016 marks the 60th anniversary of the release of Godzilla King of the Monsters, the “Americanized” version of the 1954 original Gojira. I wish I knew the exact date I first saw this movie but it was my first exposure to Godzilla. I know the year was 1993 and well as one may expect it’s totally different for me to watch it now. When I was a kid I just thought it was cool, a dinosaur that was huge and breathed fire while being shot at by jets, tanks, cannons, and anything else they could throw at him. That was about the extent of what I thought this movie was. Now that I’m older it’s become so much more, it is such an emotionally charged movie and really pulls you in every possible direction. At the age of 26 I now fully understand the metaphor of which Godzilla himself stood for, I feel and see the emotions of a frightened nation that was exposed to a power greater than anyone fathomed man could ever control. So many scenes evoke so many different things but I’ll keep it to a few.

First off we have the first real appearance of Godzilla, while in the English script there was a ship that Godzilla attacked leaving no survivors. However in the original script one man does survive only to end up being trampled on by Godzilla during a typhoon. Much like the H-bomb that irradiated the crew of a ship 10 years prior to the initial release of Gojira. They got caught in the blast but survived only to eventually be slowly killed by things like cancer and radiation poisoning. With that in mind this scene is very chilling because Godzilla’s destruction is indiscriminate and doesn’t really care who or what you are much like the bomb he is made to represent.

If we want to focus on the characters for a second there’s actually a love triangle going on. Dr. Serizawa and Emiko were arranged to be married as young children, however before getting married Emiko develops feelings for another man, Ogata. Now at this time arranged marriages were a big deal in Japan and really this whole sub-plot is also the main plot because as it will eventually turn out that Dr. Serizawa accidentally stumbled upon something he would call the oxeygen destroyer. Essentially what it did was suck all the oxeygen out of the water thus killing every living thing in it to the point of disintegration. (Yes scientifically this probably make no sense but something like this even being a thought in the first place and I can tell you from seeing the film at a young age this scene is particularly chilling). Now unlike a mad scientist Serizawa is actually terrified of his discovery and only tells Emiko in confidence that she will tell no one his secret for fear of it being used as a weapon far more devastating than even the H-Bomb. But after Godzilla retaliates to being bombed with depth charges and “turns the heart of Tokyo into a sea of fire” Emiko tells Ogata about the Oxygen Destroyer and after a scuffle Serizawa agrees to use it but only once. He makes sure of this by burning all his blue-prints to his studies and when he and Ogata take the weapon to kill Godzilla knowing fully well that not only would everyone in the world which is so corrupted with it’s lust for power and need for war, would question and maybe even interrogate him to find out how he made the Oxygen Destroyer. He also was aware the woman he was in love with and betrothed to be married to is in love with another man Serizawa does perhaps the most selfless thing anyone could ever do, he takes his own life along with Godzilla’s to be sure that not only would the Oxygen Destroyer never be used again but also that the woman he loved more than anyone else can be happy with the man she truly loves. In fact Serizawa’s last words as he’s under water setting off the Oxygen Destroyer knife in hand about to cut the rope and his breathing tube he says to Ogata and Emiko, “Be happy together”.

Now of course we have to talk about Godzilla. That big bad destructive titan or terror….but is he really? Let’s do the math here for a second. Godzilla was either A. a dead species of dinosaur at the bottom of the ocean brought back to life by the H-Bomb testing. B. A completely different creature that was mutated by the H-Bomb. Or C. A mythical creature that was believed to be kept appeased by the sacrificing of a girl. Now assuming C is most likely not the case I think it’s fair to assume Godzilla may be a little distraught as to what’s just happened to him to start. Then you enter boats he’s not going to know what those things are all he knows is they may pose a threat so he attacks them in basic instinctual self-defense. Now let’s talk about the typhoon scene. Now at a glance this totally takes away any innocence Godzilla could possibly have right? I mean he’s trampling through a little town on an island. Except if you think about the fact that there’s a typhoon and as massive an animal as Godzilla is he is no where near as large as nature. If you think about it maybe Godzilla was trying to get out of the storm. I would further say this because the next day he’s STILL THERE he didn’t wait until the typhoon was over then go back and kill all the people. In-fact the exact opposite happens, the people go to kill him, equipped with pitchforks and other farming tools the island natives want to face their fears head on, they have no idea how big Godzilla is. When he looks at them over the mountain they all run away and he doesn’t give any chase and he doesn’t kill anyone there’s no threat to him so why would he? BUT NOW after this the army decides to find him using sonar and drop depth charges on him, thinking they killed him the bombers head home, only to be followed by a now annoyed Godzilla and by nightfall he arrives at Tokyo. He rears up out of the water near a boat annnnd DOESN’T attack probably because the last 2 boats didn’t exactly put up a fight. Even after being bombed Godzilla still isn’t aggressive in anyway. However when Godzilla walks into the electrical blockade and then gets peppered by the army he takes off his gloves. Then and ONLY then does Godzilla actually actively attack anyone or anything that in his eyes could be remotely innocent. Even then he gets to a point where he feels satisfied and rather than destroying Tokyo further than he has he goes back to the ocean probably hoping for peace and quiet. However this is broken by the divers bringing the oxygen destroyer. BUT you’ll notice how docile Godzilla is and how he’s rather inquisitive about these tiny little men and their little toy and never actually seems ready to attack. Godzilla is literally staring his own death in the face and has no idea. Never was a monster so innocently killed before nor will it ever be again. Godzilla the monster who never goes down without a huge fight, goes down not even knowing there was a fight to be had. A creature made by man kinds experiments and complete ignorance, turned into a monster by man kinds continued ignorance, and then for all intents and purposes assassinated by man kinds arrogance. Godzilla King of the Monsters? In this case I think it’s more like Mankind King of the Monsters. I honestly find it hard to watch Godzilla’s death now, it’s like watching a murder for me knowing that it all could’ve been avoided if people just took a second to think about what was really going on and it’s something that is still a problem in the world today. Godzilla wasn’t a monster, he was a creature born into a world of monsters run by the biggest most corrupt monsters of all, us.

And that’s really my point here, yes this film is a chilling reminder of a time when mankind discovered a terrible power and used it for selfish gains without thinking for a second of just what the repercussions could be. But it’s also a chilling reminder of just how little we’ve changed as a species in the last 60 years. It’s still all about having the biggest weapons, the most guns, and the loss of human and environmental life is simply treated as an after thought, it’s all just collateral damage apparently. So many things could be learned from Godzilla and Dr. Serizawa but unfortunately nobody seems to listen. While the idea of a Godzilla like creature existing is as far-fetched as they come, the things….no the monsters we create are much bigger than Godzilla ever could hope to be and they come in many forms. How many stupid decisions have been made out of nothing but fear? How many useless wars, how many lives lost NEEDLESSLY because of fears that turned out to be just that, fears. Anything we don’t understand we try to destroy out of blind fear, whether that destruction is through weapons or words it’s all the same. “You have you fear which MAY become reality and you have Godzilla which IS reality.” This quote basically sums up everything, rather than letting your fears dictate everything you do and end up doing something stupid, we need to deal with the reality, if our fears come to fruition THEN we deal with them.

Another song I wrote

So I wrote this song awhile ago, like probably a months or so. I’m not even sure it’s totally finished yet or not but I don’t know I figured I’d share it either way I mean I guess the cool thing is if this isn’t finished and I add to it I can just post the finished song after but right now I’m not sure where to go from what’s currently the end, but maybe that’s because that’s how it should end.  Ironically I decided to call the song I figured it out. But yeah for now this is that song.

 

I’m broken down

Feel lost in a crowd

Like no one could ever heal me

I feel so afraid

These plans that I made

Came crashing down around me

I’m not where I thought I’d be right now

Sometimes I feel like I screwed myself somehow

 

Where have you gone

Where have you been

All these questions run through my head now

Like who are you now

Is this what you’ve become

Where is the man you used to be

All of these things I ask

To me

 

I look in the mirror

And look at my face

Thinking how can I lose this race

Then I look again

Look at the man

And I look me right in the eyes

That’s when I realize

How to live this life

 

Where have you gone

Where have you been

All these questions run through my head now

Like who are you now

Is this what you’ve become

Where is the man you used to be

All of these things I ask

And now I know

The answer is in me

 

I’ll figure it out

I’m not turning back

I can’t keep tearing myself down

If I take my focus off myself

Then I’ll finally see

What I knew all along

And see who’s standing behind me

 

That’s when I see my family and friends

They always were there

I just need to see

Need to reach out

And let them know

And they’ll be there for me

When I open my eyes I’ll see

At least that’s what I believe

 

Coping with being 25 (and other things)

When I was 17 and a senior in high school I had what I thought to be a pretty solid and attainable goal set of what I wanted to do by 25. First and top priority was moving out and getting the heck outta this place. This is probably the goal I’m happiest to say I didn’t achieve. I didn’t like where I lived much nor many of the people I had surrounded myself with, obviously there were exceptions to this but for the most part I felt I needed a new start in life I figured the only way to do that was moving out and leaving everything behind.

Secondly I figured I’d be married by 25 maybe even with a kid or at least one on the way. Well since I was 17 and decided this I have been on 0 dates though I will say this isn’t from a lack of me trying, for whatever reasons I just haven’t found that “Dream girl” I’ve been looking for. I have a strong feeling of what I want her to be like though which maybe is rather fortunate for me, I have a ton of friends who just happen to be of the female variety and one of the perks to that has been that there are certain qualities they have that I just absolutely would love in this mysterious woman who seems to have eluded me all this time, her hide and seek game is clearly strong. Now I will say that has absolutely nothing to do with me being friends with them but there are definitely things I’ve noticed about them that would be amazing to find wrapped up into one woman.

A third part of this plan was I take a year off from school then go back to college and do something with that. Well I ended up taking about 6 years off, mostly out of fear and laziness but this has been the thing I’ve beaten myself up at most but when I step back and realized what went on in those 6 years that from the outside can look like they were wasted I see something completely beautiful. In those 6 years I was basically allowed to hit a reset button of sorts and as time went on I developed some of the most amazing friendships I’ve ever had with people I never would have met if when I graduated high school I just packed my life up and left. I used to dread turning 25 because I knew it’d remind me of all these things I never did. In 6 years I went from a kid who thought he had nothing to being a 25 year old who’s realized just how beautiful his life has been, and part of that is the caring, loving, and supportive group of friends I have at my side today. When I turned 25 I realized just how much the little things really matter. The warmth of a hug from a friend who cares, the random and fun conversations, that shoulder you can cry on even when you think it’s stupid that you’re crying, and even when a friend just needs you to be there for them. All of these things and so much more are just so powerful and yet they seem so simple, however to me they are so huge to my life and knowing my friends always have my back is also a very helpful thing. This is probably the best part of my plans not working out, the amount of love and support I’ve felt and really am currently feeling at this very moment is so indescribable to truly comprehend. My friends are something I’m really trying to show them how much I appreciate and love them for simply just being in my life.

I turned 25, and I was terrified however a little over a month into it I feel like I’ve realized just how blessed I am with what I have right now. My advice to any of you who may be entering 25 or even turning 20 just no that it’s NOT all downhill from there, in fact, you’re entering into the prime stages of life don’t be afraid of it embrace it, love it, and own it. Don’t get caught up in goals you didn’t make, look at the things you do have right now and just appreciate them because this is your life and this is you, it sounds so stupidly cliche but it’s a very true cliche, this is your one life, your one shot and to be honest nobody else is going to remember the goals you set for yourself when you were in high school, all anyone who is in your life right now is going to care about is who you are now, so take it from someone who knows how it can feel when you’re wallowing in the despair of not meeting 17 year old you’s goals by 25 or whatever age, just don’t do it, I’m not saying don’t set any goals for yourself, you should do that and that’s a perfectly good thing to do, BUT if you don’t make that goal keep going for it anyway because sitting around feeling sorry for yourself or being angry with yourself doesn’t help you get anywhere at all and frankly as much as we’d love to be able to hand things off to a friend or two who could carry you through it, more often than not the most they can do is try and help you back to your feet and support you. So just go out there and do it, get it done, whatever it is you feel you need done, do it.

A song I wrote

So if you’re reading this chances are it’s because I sent you the link because basically this is partially about you, but really I suppose it’s more to you…I feel like I should preface this more but I suppose I’ll just let the song speak for it’s self but hopefully you like it (one day I’ll probably actually put music to it as well)

A song for friends (Sporkheads)

 

There are so many things I’d love to tell you

So many things I’d love to say

But I’d collapse under my own emotion

I guess I should clarify

It’s not a bad thing

I’m glad to know you

I’m glad you’re here

I’m glad you stand here with me in this crazy life

But often times the words I want to say never come out

So I need to tell you

 

You’re the reasons I can smile

The ones who make me laugh

The ones who showed me what it means to be a friend

The ones that pick me up in all my darkest times

And half the time you’d never even know

 

Often times

I’ll find myself

Stuck in a rut

You ask how I’m doing

I lie and say I’m fine

But you know better

You call my bluff

You’re like a wall in the stormy wind

When I fall down you’re there to catch me

You show me what it’s like

To be loved to be cared for

And all I want to tell you is

 

You’re the reasons I can smile

The ones who make me laugh

The ones who showed me what it means to be a friend

The ones that pick me up in all my darkest times

And half the time you’d never even know

 

You pick me up when I’m down

You push me to be better

You let me know it’s alright

To be who I am

That it’s ok to be a little bit weird

When I’m around I have no fear

It’s like I can fly

Like I have no kryptonite

But I’m not superman

But I need to thank you because

 

You’re the reasons I can smile

(You help me hold on)

The ones who make me laugh

(Even when I wanna cry)

The ones who showed me what it means to be a friend

(You showed me so much more)

The ones that pick me up in all my darkest times

(You show me everything’s alright)

And half the time you’d never even know

Half the time you never know

But now I’m telling you

Just so you can know

Things I’ve learned about friendship

So for my second post here I decided to go into a different direction I actually have had this on my mind for eh I’d say a good few days but I wanted to be sure I had a clear idea of what I wanted to say I guess. But I was thinking about a lot of things that have happened in 2015 for me and one of those things is that I learned about is friendship and what it is. I mean I’ve always known what it is but I feel like, especially in the last few months I’ve really learned what friendship is on a much deeper level.

Now of course we have labels for our types of friends, there’s; best friends, close friends, good friends, regular friends, all sorts of different titles can be tossed around. I’ll be the first person to tell you I’m sure a good portion of my friends who fall into my best friends category might not exactly put me in the same place and that’s totally fine that happens in life and it’s ok, I don’t mean that as a knock to anyone that this may apply to, if anything these are among the most important of my friends. Let’s throw out all the titles for a second and just keep friend. Now any sort of dictionary may give you a different definition of a friend but I’m  going to give you mine. A friend is someone who in some capacity cares about you. Now I’m not sure about you but to me this sounds awesome. Think about all the people you run into on a daily or even hourly basis, include the people you just walk or drive passed as well. Of all the people that your friend sees in their entire day they care about you, they talk to you, you may not be the only person they talk to but in the grand scheme of things there’s hundreds if not thousands of other people your friend could’ve ended up talking to so my point is feel good about that and embrace that the titles don’t mean as much as the actual friendship does which is dictated by the people in it.

That’s something I’ve struggled with so much over the years trying so hard to try and mean as much to some of my friends as they mean to me. I’ve realized that in a lot of friendships sometimes we play different roles for each other. Like I have a few friends who help me so much in my worst moments in life and who just help pull me up on my feet and make me feel good again and these friends I know I can always count on to help me whenever I need it. On the flip side of that though it’s hard to not feel bad if you see them going through something and you just can’t help them or at least you feel you can’t no matter how much you want to help them you aren’t always going to be able to help. But sometimes that friend will tell you that you in fact did help them and always help them just by being there for them and they know that you have their back and they can count on you to be there when they need to and that you won’t just turn your back on them. Sometimes you aren’t there to fix the problem they may be having, you’re just there to be alongside them and help them through it by simply being there for them and showing you care letting them know that they aren’t alone giving them someone they can count on. There will be times in your life in most of your friendships where you’ll probably play both roles multiple times as will your friend. Sometimes being a good friend means being patient with someone who’s stubborn or needs to come out of their shell more, this is something most of my good friends have dealt with a lot, and sometimes it means telling you the things that are hard to swallow or just simply keeping you honest about the things you do in your life. My advice to you on those friends especially in the times where you feel like their words sting a little bit, hold onto those friends with everything you’ve got, because a friend who isn’t afraid to be real with you is also a friend who is going to be among your biggest supporters and just all around this type of friend can be very hard to find, I’m lucky enough to have a couple of these friends and they mean the world to me. All my friends do no matter what role they play, so if you are one of my friends reading this just know I think you’re awesome and that you rock so many socks. But if you’re someone who maybe just feels like you don’t have a ton of friends or that the people you care about as friends don’t care about you, just know that chances are they do, sometimes it’s hard to spot in the chaos of life but in time your true friends become more and more obvious as you grow older and meet more people. Chances are you won’t be as alone as you think you are in the world.

Welcome!

I’m not sure what I’m welcoming you to. I don’t really know what I’m even doing here, I just got bored I decided this could be fun to try out. I’ll probably just use this to talk about any music I’ve been really into lately, music is a pretty large part of my life, which is probably a large understatement. I guess this would also be a good time to just get out of the way letting you know I’m a Christian. Though I feel like you’ll find me much more tolerable than most Christians you may see in the media, who honestly don’t represent us as a whole.

So I suppose I can also just add a few songs on here that lately have been pretty much my go to songs for various situations. I’ll probably usually have this in categories with one “featured” song which I’ll link directly to a YouTube Video of it or something, like that and the rest you can look up on your own if you want, though I may change that up and I’m sure I will. So without further ado this is my….uhhh SONGS I REALLY LIKE RIGHT NOW FOR DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AND FEELINGS IN MY LIFE! (I’ll work on a catchy title one day) I should also point out not all of these songs will be new songs.

Shower Songs (Basically these are songs I just generally listen to anytime I want to or the shower)

  • Let’s Go, By Def Leppard Let’s Go, Def Leppard (I actually first heard this song live when I saw them with my dad and it was actually the first time Def Leppard ever played it live, it’s just a fun song that obviously is a bit of a throwback to what many would call the glory days of Rock n’ Roll)
  • Kids With Cars, By Dallas Smith (This one is another just kinda fun song except we have country instead of rock. Dallas Smith may sound familiar to you as he was once the front man to the Canadian rock band Default who I used to follow as well so it’s cool to see Dallas and his solo career take off)
  • Waiting for Superman, by Daughtry (The third and final song for this category and well I could put this in a few places really, I just love everything about this song. I see myself as the “superman” in this song and somewhere out there in the world is my Lois Lane waiting for me to fly in to save the day)

Pump up Songs (Really pretty self-explanatory I think but basically a song to work out to or even listen to before a big test or a job interview that gets your blood flowing and if you let the lyrics in your head you can really just get in a zone and just be confident in what you’re doing)

  • Conquer Them All, By Lansdowne Conquer Them All, Lansdowne (This is a really good song from a band that somehow isn’t as big as I feel they should be, a lot of their songs are great! However this song specifically in the title alone it earns the featured spot for Pump up songs)
  • Outcast, By Shinedown (Probably the newest song on this entire list I just can’t enough of this song, The line “I hope you know I broke the mold like a hammer to a landmine” for some reason that line alone just gets me going and makes me feel like I can do whatever I’ve set out to do.”
  • Messengers, By Lecrae feat. For King and Country (This one is a bit different from the previous 2 songs in that this really has a much deeper message for me, like I said I am I Christian and this song is basically a call for us to just show love every chance we can, well at least that’s the short version for me. This may not be the “featured” song but I really recommend this song especially to any fellow Christians.)

When I’m feeling down (I’m not sure if this is the best thing to call this category but basically these are songs that I tend to listen to if I’m down in the dumps for various reasons, whether it’s to pull me out of the dumps or maybe feel through what I’m feeling which I feel is also important to do as much as it can sometimes be a little more painful sometimes exploring that pain is the best way to fix the pain rather than to avoid it. That being said I will be linking all three of these songs as I feel like they’re equally important to eachother)

  • All Ends Well, By Alter Bridge I feel like this is a classic example of a song to just pull yourself out of some sadness, the lyrics relate to even some of the worst situations you can go through and they also remind you that things can and do end well even though it may be hard to see sometimes.
  • A Day To Be Alone, By One Less Reason This is really a song for anyone who’s single and been single for a long time or maybe just went through a break up that just really hurts. For me this really captures a lot of the emotion I feel a person can go through either of these things. This I’d probably say is one of those feeling it out songs for sure. Maybe even just for trying to make sense of your situation and being ok with it.
  • Stone Walls, By We The Kings This song is probably one of my favorite songs of all time and I think always will be. It actually came out at a time for me where I just was so unsure of where my life was going to go and I had a pretty big surgery well it was to me at least because it was on my ear on I’m a drummer and I had a lot of things like vertigo going on and at one point that actually landed me in the hospital for basically a day. And well I was basically exactly where the first verse of this song is. But then some of my friends started texting me like the entire time I was there and not only that but they went to my house before I came home and just left me some really awesome presents on my front porch to come home to and that’s where the second verse and really the rest of the song kick in and it was really just a time in my life I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget those people and I’ll never forget this song.

So I think that’s where I’ll leave this off at, I’m not sure how often I’ll be updating this but I think I’ll probably update it once in awhile with more songs and stories to go with some of them.